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Sunday, December 7th, 2003
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5:51 pm - New Journal......
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| Wednesday, June 18th, 2003
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1:57 am
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i got my tattoo today! its a rune on my right hip. it looks just like a black lightning bolt, its SO cute! i think i broke mary's fingers when i got it, it hurt! but not too bad, definately worth it! adrenaline rush, wwwooooooohhhhhoooooo!
current mood:  excited
current music: she's getting a tattoo yeah, shes getting ink done...
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| Sunday, November 3rd, 2002
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2:30 pm - enough, im tired of this
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maybe its because i am sick and feel like shit, thus have no patience for anything or anyone. maybe its because its november, a month that always puts me in bad moods. maybe, just maybe my mom is right about this. but i have had an online journal for a year and 4 monthes and this is what i have learned from it:
when people would ask me if i could have one and only one superpower, like flying or x-ray vision, i would always say i would want to read others minds. well, i was wrong. i wouldnt want that. ever. it would be a horrible curse. why? because if you knew what everyone was thinking all the time, you wouldnt like anyone. you would know the truth about everyone, and you would hate most every person you encounter.
proof: online journals. in this past year and 4 monthes, livejournals have caused me personally more drama than eminem could create in a lifetime. why? for exactly this reason: no matter how hard you try to make your journals obscure and pointless, you still tell WAY TOO much about your life to the mass public. as i read back on the journals i have written in the past, i have a few feelings, mostly dread and anxiety at how much i told about myself, my life, and my mind without even being aware of it. even the stupidest and most ridiculous journals i have written just tell too much concrete evidence about my personality, most of which i dont want to go out and tell the world straight off. thus, so does everyone else is their journals, if you know it or not. a few days ago a friend of mine (no names) was complaining to me about how she is having such a hard time in her life, mostly because people think they know her and her thoughts when they dont, people get in her life and her business too much, and people generally are too nosey and critical. well, i have one thing to say to this person: maybe thats because you post everything about yourself, your life, and your feelings to any joe bob who can get online and type in your journals address. no frickin wonder. the mass public, even our closest friends, can NOT handle such information about our life and ourselves. period. so, although i cant go back and change all that i regret about livejournals (which is mostly everything), i can prevent such problems in the future. thus, i am abandoning my journal. and i am refusing to read others journals at any time in the future. i do not want or need to know so much about people as is given on journals, no matter how close i am to them. i told melissa friday that to be happy you need to end the drama. well, i have been a hypocrit with that, becuase i have thus far continued the drama on these things. enough. no more drama.
by the way, i am sorry for the drama i have caused. and i know this journal itself might rub a few people the wrong way. please dont take it to heart. ths is me, this is what i think and believe. it works for me, but that doesnt mean it is in any way applicable in your life. i cannot assume that. but, it just might be the same way for you, so i urge you to think about this before you dismiss my beliefs on journals or get mad about them. you might just need no more drama too.
current mood:  sick
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| Friday, November 1st, 2002
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10:50 am - vandy-candy girls
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well, after quite a bit of bitching, complaining, fannagling, and going through undergrad admission's ranks, i finally made it to vandy. luckily, my host had no clue of the terror i struck into the admissions office hearts, so its all good. quite ironically, my visit here is much like the SLU visit, except my host and her best friend who are sharing me arent sorority pledges, its halloween so we dressed up, we didnt go to a frat party but a bar downtown, and there are more people here that i know. first off, this guy that my host is really good friends with and likes graduated from trinity last year with the boys, jon witten. he is friends with christy oconnell, mimi, and the whole bestsiteontheplanet people, so we generally know a bit about each others lives, even though we just met. oh, and we dressed him and this other guy matt up as girls last nite for halloween in soffes, a tanktop, makeup, and even fixed hair, then we went downtown with them. extremely amusing! i am pretty sure they got hit on last nite more than any of the girls! then we (me, my host, matt, and jon) came back to the dorms, hung out for a while until the guys decided it would be fun to do some 'urban bobsledding' on the stairs. that consisted of them taking a rubbermade box, sitting in it, and sliding down the stairs. holy shit, it was the stupidest yet funniest thing i have seen in a LONG time. we did that until they successfully broke the rubbermade box to peices, then we went to bed. today i went to calc with gina, my host, and am about to go to psych with lauren, gina's best friend. then i come home :( i am having so much fun! its going to be SoOo frickin hard to decide on where to go! agh, i dont want to decide!
on a bad note, some asshole on jon's floor shot my ego to hell. maybe i shouldnt grow out my bangs, i got more play with them, so i must look better with them. or maybe i should extend my break from guys, seeing as im not having luck with them. "unattractive", what a KILL for my ego...
current mood: excited
current music: random thoughts
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| Tuesday, October 29th, 2002
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9:32 pm - vanderbilt university admissions office vs. the doyle women
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on the Doyle side we have a mother-daughter tag team of Susan and Diana Doyle!!! [cheers and applause all around]
and on the Vanderbilt admissions side we have the devilish duo of the bitch secretary and admissions officer Ms. Frizell! [booo!!!!]
round one: DING!
and diana swoops in for the doyles to make the first move of attempting to make an appointment for an overnite visit to vanderbilt. OH! the bitch secretary for vanderbilt returns it with a right jab of 'its too early to make an appointment, call back later'! in september? ohh, yes thats right! this is gonna be a dirty fight, folks!
round two: DING!
diana for the doyles respond to the dirty talking in round one with a return call a week later, requesting to speak with an actual admissions counselor, thus initiating the first vanderbilt switchoff to admissions officer ms. frizell. frizell responds with a nasty game of phone tag. diana eventually makes contact in a hit by talking to frizell and arranging the overnite visit (finally!).
round three: DING!
the bitch secretary moves into the fight by delaying susan's confirmation letter for her overnite until just 5 days before the scheduled visit! amazingly, susan lets it slide! what next?!
round four: DING!
susan reads said confirmation letter and notices the ridiculous request that she be at the admissions office by 4 pm the day of her overnite! she responds with a call to admissions, which hits the bitch secretary. the bitch secretary hits back by confirming such policy and nastily saying susan will HAVE to be there by 4pm, no exceptions! well, now susan is pissed! she insists on a vanderbilt team change so to deal with ms. frizell, who also confirms this, with even more bitch attitude! oh, susan says 'its over now bitches!'
round five: DING!
susan counters those blows with a call to liz mccarthy, her personal admissions counselor who happens to favor susan and seems to be very nice. unfortunately liz cant do anything about said rule, heaving another blow to susan. becuase of said rule, susan will not be able to make her overnite visit to vanderbilt! ouch, that has to hurt!
round six: DING!
susan wobbles up from such a beating, with a plan! she then contacts liz again to severely complain on the conduct and policies of vanderbilt admissions, eventually working up to speaking with the dean of admissions himself! OUCH! and THE FINAL BLOW! susan retracts her application to vanderbilt!!! and thats it folks, the battle of the bitches is over! vanderbilt is defeated! vanderbilt is defeated, losing another application and prospective student! oh that HAD to hurt!
what a fight ladies and gentlemen! one to go down in the books! thank you, have a nice nite, and be safe. remember, a nasty admissions office usually means a nasty school, so watch those visits closely, folks!
current mood:  bitchy
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| Monday, October 28th, 2002
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10:47 pm - vicious
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last nite i gave in and did the jump from AOL 5.0 to AOL 8.0. well, i like 8.0 a lot, its nice, but..... my computer is having a hard time handling it, for whatever reasons. its being a bitch. eek! good thing my mom is talking about getting my graduation present (a brand new laptop!) early... as in within the next month :) how exciting!
this week is SO busy fo rme, but its all good stuff, i am excited! tomm i start volunteering at ky humane society, wednesday i have the good charlotte show at jillians, thursday i leave for vandy, friday i am at vandy, sat is a speech tournament, and sat nite is TOS at twice told! damn, SO much to do! AND, i am supposed to start at joes crab shack sometime this or next week! whew!
PS. i may seem sharp and stabbing, but its all in fun. absolutely true, but still in fun. really. beleive me.... (or not, heh!)...
current mood:  naughty
current music: "you stained all the good days i had left...." who sings this?
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| Sunday, October 27th, 2002
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10:27 am - a good point
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i was discussing with my mom this morning about the mysteriously missing alcohol (of course, i didnt say it was alcohol, but just somehting out of emily's car) and mom made a good point. whoever took it must have known exactly what emily's keys looked like to take them. true, she had a soccer key chain on them, but theresa was there too, who would have also had a soccer key chain. so the perpetraitor must have been familiar with specifically emily's keys. interesting...
in other news, i am starting to like speech, for some less than obvious reasons, hehe ;)
i really dont know why i get so excited about having parties and stuff, i am usually too busy and stressed out to enjoy them. i guess i just like people to have a good time, even if i am not. the good news is i fianlly got the house back in order today, so my pulse is starting to slow a bit. whew.
current mood:  curious
current music: modest mouse
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| Saturday, October 26th, 2002
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12:37 am - eerie!
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so, tonite i went to dinner with mom, charlie, charlie's parents, finley and shanna (fin's gf). it was pretty nice to see finley b/c i havent seen him in a really long time, he is at college at depauw. so, we were talking and finely and shanna asked me about the last guy i was dating. they didnt remember his name, so gave a physical description of him. well, i was really amazed, and asked how they knew so much about my life. fin said his mom, charlies ex wife, told him. molly, charlies ex, is the sweetest woman ever, and me and her get along great (i think she is awesome) so i was honored that she cared enough to ask about me from the boys and that the boys asked their dad so much about me, since i dont talk to them much at all anymore. so, it seemed all nice and sweet, until later. once i had gotten home, i started thinking about what me, fin, and shanna talked about. something about that comment about fin's mom bothered me. after thinking a bit, it hit me. first off was the description of the guy that fin gave me, it was the last guy i 'dated', but we didnt much date. it was more along the lines of talking and going on a few quasi-dates, nothing at all serious or that much dating-like. because of this, i had told my mom about the guy, but she never met him or saw him. thus, she didnt know what he looked like. and she couldnt have told charlie what he looked like, who couldnt have told the boys, who couldnt have told molly. so how could molly have known what he looked like? then another thing occured to me: how did molly know about this? sure, its not at all unordinary for molly to ask about me to the boys, but fin told me his mom told him. so he couldnt have told her. its true that molly and charlie talk, but i seriously doubt that charlie would get into such a detailed conversation with his ex-wife about me, his fiancee's daughter, to tell such a physical descripton of the guy i was quasi-dating. that is, if he even knew what the guy looked like, which he didnt. so how did she know this stuff? how does my mom's fiance's lesbian ex-wife know what the last guy i barely dated look like?? i would wake my mom up with this question, but she would have a shit fit about me being up so late, seeing as i have the ACT tomm morning, a speech tournament tomm afternoon, and my party tomm nite. but, frankly, you couldnt render me unconcious right now if you hit me upside the head with a 2x4. not with such a mysterious question on my mind.
PS: tomm nite, 8 pm, my mom's house->the last ever HALLOWEEN PARTY! i cleaned my entire basement for you all, so be there! i even cleaned up the fucking room, it looks sexier and better than ever!
current mood: curious
current music: 'like i love you'
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| Wednesday, October 23rd, 2002
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10:40 pm - oh my dear sweet, genius mother...
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so my mom is filling out my financial aid forms for colleges tonite, and she turns to me and says: "hey susan, you wanna hear how pathetic you are??"
sure mom, how pathetic am i? thanks, you are just so encouraging and supportive, mom. haha!
and reflecting my mothers (lacking) intellect, she said this the other day:
"i dont get it about st louis university, why did they name a catholic university after some city and not a saint?"
SAINT LOUIS university, mom! DUH!
current mood:  giggly
current music: me and mom laughing at her
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| Tuesday, October 22nd, 2002
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11:49 pm - amazing
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tonite i just got out into word the culmination of the past 3 years, of all my experences with our group of friend, everything i have learned from our friends, everything the group has taught me. here it is:
problems will always arise, you cant avoid that, but you can do your best to not contribute to them or make them worse when you know it will hurt friends, hurt people. if a person cant recognise and respect that problems happen but that they should not contribute to them, they cant think of somehting other than themselves for the benefit of the group of your 'best friends' then what kind of best friend is that person? in respect of your best friends, dont do things that you know will cause unneeded hurt and harm to the people you say you care for. and even if they arent a best friend, they are a friend to someone i care about, and thus are affected by me and have an affect on me. just because they arent YOUR best friend doesnt mean that when you hurt them you dont hurt the people you care about, and thus hurt youself. it all comes around in the end. if i have learned one truth in the past few years its this: that you are not a single person, everything you do affects everyone, especially with friends. every hurt gets to every person in the end. it all comes around eventually.
its incredibly amazing. just think about it, its the most true thing i have stumbled upon with our friends. and it doesnt just apply to us, although b/c of our friend 's soap opera-ness, it is especially true with us. thats the most beautifully poetically honest thing i have seen, heard, felt, or said with our friends. b/c that is your all's lesson to me, that is what you have given me. thank you. i cannot express my honest beleif in this, or my gratitude for you all being here to teach it to me. thank you.
current mood:  accomplished
current music: 'circles' -incubus
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| Monday, October 21st, 2002
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12:49 am - the LAST HALLOWEEN PARTY!
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yes, thats right, its time for Susan's annual halloween party!
this, the FINAL year it will be saturday, oct. 26th->thats NEXT SAT people! be there!
as usual, costume is optional but always fun, and my rule of guests is that i have to know them and they have to know me, or they are really cute guys;) and speaking of....
WANT AD:
males, preferably buff and sexy, desperately needed to play the ritual chippendales this year! cmon boys, show that body off! only need black bowtie, cute boxers, and optional pants and white cuffs. be too sexy for susan!
current mood: excited
current music: 'too sexy for my pants, too sexy for my pants, so sexy it hurts!'
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12:41 am - "I CANT LIE!!!!!!!!"
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i hate french pottery. really, i do. i hate stupid ART papers. isnt that illegal or something, research papers in art?
"the claw!!!!!!" yes, thats right, Liar Lair was on tv tonite. did i watch it? of COURSE! did i quote almost every line? YOU BET! it was great! but it reminded me of candy. i miss her. are you still best friends with someone after 16 years, even if you havent spoken in at least a year? i hope so
damn nightmares arent going away! i hate this, i am afraid to sleep. i feel nauseus even thinking about it. a twinge, lightheaded fear, pain? anesthesia- please! confession wont cut it, i need real absolution.
to be posted later: info on HALLOWEEN PARTY! woohoo!
current mood:  tired
current music: "help me..." NIN
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| Friday, October 18th, 2002
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5:17 pm - please, let me rest in peace
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damn you!
you've got it started again.
i cant even sleep, nightmares keep me in a cold sweaty fear of unconciousness.
my heart pounds with the thoughts, the reminders of the late night hells i endure, all of you.
the memory of that dance in my dreams, but not of happiness, of rejection at its worst.
why do you do this to me? why this torture? why do i do this to myself?
before i let myself go
let me go
current mood: upset
current music: 'goodbye to you'
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| Wednesday, October 16th, 2002
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6:33 pm - hmph
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had a good day today. reveiwed for test friday (understood everything), had 'retreat class' with the normal emotional exhaustion, got to do an extra project for broadcast (and did very well, too), got lots done in study, got the sewing machine to start on my comforter, took a nap, saw the girls (my babies!), saw christy, amateurly diagnosed a major psychological disorder (borderline personality, the same uncle pete has), mom made chili, talked to kt (for the first time in forever), dont have homework, and now im going to buy more stuff for the comforter with mom at target. how fun!
Now you got me caught in the act
You bring the thought back
I?m telling you that
I see it right through you
not falling into that anymore, running for my life in the opposite way!
i know i can last til november, last as long as i need to.
current mood:  rejuvenated
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| Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
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10:55 pm - 'your not an introvert!!!'
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we took the myers-briggs today, and it says im an introvert. everyone and their brother disagreed with me on that, but i actually think its true. i was very introverted when i was a kid, and i still hold quite a bit of introverted qualities. i think i just learned to be an extrovert from my sister and family.
someday you just gotta grow up a bit.
current mood:  worried
current music: linkin park
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1:47 pm - silver spoons for real
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in the past week it has occured to me that in less than 9 months i will be launched ass-first into real life, the real world, adulthood, and all the awesome AND shitty things that come with it. it has also occured to me the possibilities that lay before me: an education, money, happiness, friends, family, love, work, housing, vacationing, transportation, goals, LIFE!
it is now that i realize exactly what they were talking about last year in morality with silver spoons.
i realize that i have all i need. i have a great education (so far); the money, intelligence, commitment, and ability to continue that excellent education (eg. hard, expensive colleges), or just to simply continue that education (eg. cheap, easier, basic colleges); i have the family's loving support to do either; i have the family's physical support if i dont want to go to school so soon (where to live, transportation, even a job is available through my family->hell, i could even turn into my sisters and begin a life dependant on grandparents next year!); career possibilities (even without schooling); hell, there are 2 empty houses my family's own right now that i know i could live in if i wanted!
and this 'distant dream' of major decisions just around the next corner->less than a year away and i will be a single serving adult in this huge-assed world. hell, the guys are there right now and dont even realize the possibilities!! this is the last few moments of required life before being thusted into decisions, choices, and responsibility. and im not just starting with a blank page, i am starting with a blank page and whatever resources i need to do something with it.
its not the actualy decisions that are these silver spoons, but the backing and resources i have to make whatever choice that I want.
current mood:  hopeful
current music: 'i dont wanna wait ....'
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| Sunday, October 13th, 2002
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10:19 pm - shock of the family
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both of my sisters are employed. at the same time. and have both held the jobs for over 2 weeks. our whole family is in shock. my mom is so proud. its too much for me to beleive. may they actually move out of the houses owned by my grandparents and finally get their own lives and their own money? GASP! what will the family contoversy be then??
current mood:  amused
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4:15 pm - we todded
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alright, i am going to give a little tip to you all if you ever really want to piss off someone that doesnt like you. if you know for sure that someone doesnt like you, and you want to really, REALLY just piss the hell out of them, do this:
be nice to them. REALLY nice to them. act like they are your BEST friend. be SO friggin nice to them that they almost think you are kissing up to them. and act like you mean it. act like you are so friggin stupid and nieve and think the world is so perfect that you two just get long SO well. be convincing. make it the best performace you have ever done.
b/c if they really dont like you at all, and you wanna piss them off, you WILL. it is SO fucking annoying when someone who KNOWS you dont like them act like you two are just SO close and is SO nice to you. trust me, i know someone who does this to me, i hate her, and it really steams me. the sad thing is that i dont think she does it to piss me off, i think she REALLY thinks the world is like that, that everyone just loves each other, and her, SO much and nobody could ever hate anyone. the moron, she needs to WAKE UP to the REAL WORLD!
current mood:  irritated
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| Saturday, October 12th, 2002
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11:17 am - my baby!
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Aiden can say 'SueSue'!!!!! its PRECIOUS!!! actually, he isnt good with saying 'S's, so it sounds like 'sdo sdo', which makes it even more adorable. Im SoOo proud!!!!!
current mood:  touched
current music: 'sdo sdo'
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| Friday, October 11th, 2002
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11:49 am - SLU for ME!!
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i am sitting in a dorm at slu right now, and i can tell you all i am DEFINATELY coming here!!! my host Bridget is AWESOME, and her best friend Theresa is so nice and the sweetest ever. they are both kappa delta pledges and they know SoOo many people. everyone here is SoOo nice, Ive met SoOo many people, they are so sweet to me. aww, i just ADORE it! oh, and we went to a pike party last nite (sorry jenna:) downtown at lacledes landing (bc they dont have frat houses). it was tight! they hire these buses to take everyone down, and we got wristbands from some of the guys they know so we could get drinks. oh, and I DANCED ON THE BAR COYOTE UGLY STYLE!!!! how awesome! but then theresa got kicked out, eek! she didnt take a wristband b/c she wasnt drinking b/c she had class at 8 this morning. but i let her have a sip of mine, and the security guy saw her and kicked her out, for one sip! so we left and walked around laclede's landing for a while til the bus came to take us back. oh, and when we were walking around lacledes landing these guys came up to us to get us to kiss this guy who is getting married saturday, they were all trashed like no other, it was so hilarious. then today i went to abnormal psych and spanish with theresa and am getting ready to go to lunch and class with bridget. even class is fun! they know the hottest guys, and they are really nice, they all introduced themselves to me and asked me all these questions and everything. god, i sound so silly and girly,but what can i say? i LOVE it! SB: me and you are definately HERE next year!
current mood:  giddy
current music: 'my neck, my back......'
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